Poppin Bottles, Changing Diapers: Just An Average Day in the Life of Alyss

Most people cannot comprehend the fact that I am 29 years old and have never changed a baby's diaper. Growing up, I wasn't much of a babysitter. I'd be offered the opportunity to watch some kids, and typically was not asked to be a return sitter. And I'm not the girl that sees a baby and does the goo goo ga ga noises and asks to hold them, but I'm working on that.

I am Auntie Yiss, the wine drinking, toy buying, hungover on Chicken Finger Sub Sunday, loud mouthed lady. Christmas night I decided to step that role up a notch and change Cam's diaper. It was sort of sagging and looked pretty full, but I was assured it was strictly #1. I removed the diaper, Kristen applied the "junk" ointment (sorry folks, I'm not there yet, baby steps), then I put a fresh diaper on. Cam was very cooperative, in fact, I'm pretty sure he has already requested that I change his diaper at all times when present, because frankly, I think I did a hell of a job.

Afterwards, he gave me a high five. I love that kid!

"Meat is Murder, Tasty Tasty Murder" - Bolognese 101

To answer your first question "What is Bolognese Sauce?"

Definition from Wikipedia: Bolognese sauce is a meat-based sauce for pasta originating in Bologna, Italy. It is traditionally used to dress tagliatelle and is one of the two sauces used to prepare "lasagne alla Bolognese".

My definition of Bolognese sauce: One word. Tasty.

My Aunt Jill has been making her Bolognese sauce for years to serve with lasagna, which we have every Christmas Eve. In fact, I just learned recently that not everyone eats lasagna at Christmas time; I thought it was a staple holiday entree like turkey on Thanksgiving. Apparently other people eat ham. No thanks. This being my first carnivorous Christmas in 5 years I had decided I would not only try the Bolognese sauce, I'd make it.

My cousin Kacey and I joined my Aunt Jill the day before Christmas Eve at the cottage to make the sauce. We chopped carrots, celery and onions (I did a hell of a job on chopping those onions I might add), we sautéed the veggies in a large pot, then added ground beef and veal and cooked until it was no longer pink. I literally was taking gobs of beef with my bare hands and pulling them apart, a huge step for me! We then added white wine which burned off while we mixed it, then added milk and another secret ingredient that shall remain nameless. Last we added crushed tomatoes and mixed mixed mixed! We made enough sauce to feed an army of Belascos and friends on Christmas Eve. We celebrated our sauce being complete and ready to simmer for hours with a glass of wine, or course.

Sadly, get your tissues ready, I was not feeling well on Christmas Eve so I did not have more than one bite of lasagna. I know, tragic. I did take home some sauce that I plan to eat over spaghetti. And I sure as hell will be making the recipe again in the future!

I've come a long way baby!

People tell me I'm sort of funny and should do more writing...

Item #2 on the Lys List was to invent something. I have no idea where this idea came from, but I felt it needed to be changed and upgraded to something better.

I have done some writing here and there, focusing my writing on this blog most recently, but I have been told by people I should write more, because my random thoughts that I post on Facebook and Twitter are entertaining. I once had a blog titled "The Belasco Bitch Blog" which was more of a diary and my way of venting about things, my favorite entry was about the Hilton Carnival. Recently, I was strolling down Park Ave and ran into a family friend Andrea and her daughter Katie and they told me I should start writing more because they think I'm funny. I was sold on that idea, I enjoy writing, and if people enjoy what I have to say, that makes it even better.

I'd love to get my hands on a story I wrote my freshman year of high school. It was the story behind the Solar Eclipse. I explained that the eclipse is the Sun and the Moon having sex, and that resulted in the birth of each planet, and after Pluto was delivered the Sun had her tubes tied. My English teacher told me to write something else because stories of that nature are not appropriate for 9th graders, but maybe try submitting it in college. Alyssa Belasco, keeping things inappropriate since 82!

During my trip to Cali I decided to write about my airplane experience and I typed things as they happened on my iPhone notepad. I think I'm going to continue writing this way, and maybe someday I can create a book from the collection of essays I've composed. This is long down the road, but we all have to have goals, right? The story is short, but you get the jist. I need to work on document things as they happen and then being able to re write them to be past and present tense, because what I've got below is all over the place. Let's forget I was an English minor in college for the time being. Thanks.

Untitled (very short) story about the most awful seat on an airplane:
I've discovered what the worst possible seat imaginable on an airplane is, and it happens to be the one my ass is parked in for the next three hours. The seat is in the very last row of the plane, the only things behind it are two lavatories for 50+ people. I didn't think the seat was so bad until after the beverage cart went through and one by one (and then in groups) people had to empty their bladders. On a plane the only thing my body can do is sleep, and that's already difficult while sitting straight up, but imagine passengers bumping your seat every time they head back to theirs, or the line that forms because someone is dropping a deuce and taking longer than anticipated. I wake up with a cramp in my neck and an ass or someone's junk in my face approximately every six minutes. Oh and best yet, a baby starts crying so the mom brings her to the back of the plane to calm her down. Well that’s just a GREAT idea, bring the screaming baby as close to me as possible. You know what? Why don't you just plop her on my goddamn lap! I've been referred to as "Chief Baby Hater" at times, but I've taken a step down from that role and now I'm more of a Baby Hater's Club Board Member. The male flight attendant has asked me twice if I'm the generous young lady that switched seats with a woman so she could sit with the rest of her family. Sir, does this puss look like I was feeling generous today? He said he wants to find the person so they can "take care of her" for being so kind. I should have lied and said that person was me and asked permission to kick it in the Captains Quarters, but something told me that idea wasn't going to fly... After whining to my parents about how the passenger occupying the seat I'm in should either be given complimentary Ambien for the flight or free booze and them telling me I'm dramatic, I decided to stick my ass in their faces to see how they liked it, then I grabbed a cup of cardboard tasting coffee from the flight attendant because I sure as hell would not be sleeping so figured I might as well jack myself full of caffeine.

My dad has been lugging around a giant man bag and I’ve had the damnedest idea what he has in it, until now. He just busted out People Magazine with Bradley Cooper on the cover titled "Sexiest Man Alive" and he sees nothing wrong with his magazine choice. At least I'll get to read it after he's done flipping through endless perfume ads. He also had Cheddar Jack Cheez-it's in there. Bonus! This girl needs a Bloody Mary stat!

Now you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows. From that day on, if I was going somewhere, I was running!

I spent Thanksgiving 2011 in California visiting family. It was my first Thanksgiving with turkey in five years. Words cannot describe how much I enjoyed eating. With that said, it was time we "had a good run" and check "run on the beach" off of the Lys List.

My Aunt Jill lives a short walk from Venice Beach, so I set out for the ocean. I have no idea what level of difficulty I thought running in sand would be, but damn, it's hard. I was winded in no time; I think bystanders were considering calling 911. I ran down the beach, right next to the water. It was so refreshing.

After a good run, you must refuel. We went to Tavern on 2 in Long Beach where I had a chicken sandwich (gotta have protein) topped with brie, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and Tavern on 2 special sauce. You also must rehydrate, I opted for two pints of tasty white ale. Bonus was the chocolate dipped s'more from Rocky Mountain Chocolate that I inhaled.

The next day we had massages at the Peninsula Hotel Beverly Hills, which was perfect, because I was sore from my brief run. Best massage I've ever had, no lie.

I think I need to move to Cali, or visit more often, the West Coast needs Forresta Gump. I'd even live in the parking lot at Whole Foods (love love love that store), I'm not particular.

Sushi ~ A Gag-Free Seafood Experience

I have been excited/nervous to try sushi. I've wanted so bad to like it. I went with my friend Adam to Kakachi in Penfield and gave it a go. I thought this was the best way to go about trying sushi containing seafood, because he would be the person I would least likely gag or spit food into my napkin in front of. Big time strategy here.

He ordered an array of rolls, all mostly contained some sort of raw fish. I ate the least intimidating one first, which was simply tuna and rice. It was small and easy to pop the whole thing in my mouth, I enjoyed it. The rest of the rolls were big, and I knew there was no lady-like way of eating them. I opted next for the Philadelphia roll. I wasn't a fan of it. I love cream cheese on a bagel, but a big hunk of it in my mouth was a little excessive. I am happy to report that is the only roll I didn't care for. I ate the majority of them without soy sauce. My method of eating sushi was to chew and swish the roll from side to side in my mouth so I would taste everything together and not just fish. I know, the thought of that is really getting your stomach growling, I’m sure. I can't imagine what it was like for him to have to sit across from me and watch as I thought out which roll to try next, over thinking how I was going to fit the whole thing in my mouth, and lastly, listening to me as I took deep breaths before eating each bite and while chewing. The thought process involved during dinner would have led you to believe I was contemplating skydiving or trying to complete a Good Will Hunting type of math problem.

The entire time we were at the restaurant I was so incredibly proud of myself. Some people are proud when they run a marathon, or have a baby, I was proud that I consumed raw fish and didn't completely disgust my date (or so he said).

Welp, We Had Ourselves A Haunted Hayride...

The Friday before Halloween a group of us decided to go on a haunted hayride at Verhulst Farms. We met at CJ's for some food and bevs prior. The thing with alcohol is, or at least for me, it's a distraction, and 8 times out of 10 it hinders me from accomplishing what I had planned to had adult beverages not been involved. This was almost the case at hand. I stuffed myself full of quesadillas, tots and half of a Mexican chicken sandwich with extra avocado; healthy, I know. The drinks were flowing and the idea of standing in the cold for hours had completely left my mind, I wasn't the only one. At one point I was convinced this just wasn't the year to cross "Go on a haunted hayride" off of the Lys List. But with some encouragement from a pregnant friend I got my act together and we set out for Verhulst.

When we arrived it was exactly how I anticipated; cold, dark and booze-free. Luckily ONE person planned accordingly and brought a flask. Jack Daniels and hot cider seemed to warm me up short-term. After over an hour wait we set out on the wagon into the woods. Things that jump out scare the hell out of me, so I was on the lookout and sat in the very front. We had some laughs, a few screams, etc. Overall, I think the ride in general was my favorite part. Just being outdoors makes me happy, and I liked being pulled by a tractor, in an "I'm not a redneck I just enjoy sitting on hay" sort of way. What can I say, I love fall!

I've checked this item off of the Lys List, and while I'm told the hayride in Williamson is another one to check out, I've heard the wait is even longer, and, well, my ADHD combined with Raynaud's Syndrome that flares in the cold will probably deter me from partaking in this next Halloween. Haunted hayrides, we had a good run.

Beef, Battles and Breaking the Law

This weekend I knocked not one, but three items off of the Lys List...

DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DO NOT THINK POORLY OF ME WHEN YOU READ THIS POST. ALSO, DO NOT TURN ME IN TO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

The plan was to see Adele in concert in Atlantic City. Adele decided to hemorrhage her vocal cords and cancel her US tour. Me, having the voice of an angel, would have pulled through and performed anyways, I guess I'm somewhat of an overachiever. Josh and I decided to head to AC anyways as he had other "plans" for our weekend agenda. I didn't ask any questions.

After a long ride from Rochester, to Binghamton, to Atlantic City, we headed to Bobby Flay's restaurant Steak for dinner. There was no better time then now to try for the first time in my 29 years of life a bite of filet mignon. I took two bites, it didn't have much flavor, but I'm thankful I didn't gag at all, so I think checking that item off of my list was definitely a success. I will say I don't understand how people think the taste of plain beef is "so delicious". Maybe it's because I'm a lover of spices, dips and sauces.

Saturday afternoon we hit the road, I had no idea where we were headed, that is until we were directly in front of a castle two hours later. Yes, we were at Medieval Times in Lyndhurst, NJ. I'm pretty sure I laughed for the first 10 minutes we were there; Josh wasn't sure why this item was on my list in the first place. We thought for sure we were the oldest people there without children. This was not the case. There were 30th birthday celebrations, 50th wedding anniversaries, etc. One thing I am pretty sure of was that I was the only person in the castle that had an entire bottle of wine for themselves, but that's beside the point. We drank, we ate without utensils, and we enjoyed grown men with long hair on horses, battling with swords, or at least I did.

After a couple hours at Medieval Times we hit the road back to Binghamton. On the way, Josh showed me what my final Lys List task would be... to break the law. He gave me a stencil that read "Lyslys07" and a can of red spray paint, red being my favorite color. Once we arrived in Bing, he was ready to get painting the town red, literally, I wasn't quite there yet. So we sipped a few Italian martinis to get our minds in the right place. Our first stop was a train. With my Medieval Times cardboard crown still on my head, I sprayed away. The finished product was so beautiful, like a work of art, it almost brings tears to my eyes. I was addicted to graffiti. Next we tagged some cement; I'm really not sure if it was a bridge or just the boarder of a sidewalk, but regardless, it screamed "vandalize me". On the way back to Josh's we passed a "Road Closed" sign, and I knew that would have to be the last place in Bing for me to leave my mark. After sending my mom the final picture via text she asked that I stop painting Lyslys07 on public property.

I'd like to thank Josh Elwood, Bobby Flay, the Red & Yellow Knight and the City of Binghamton for my amazing weekend! Adele, I suppose we can still be friends.