Poppin Bottles, Changing Diapers: Just An Average Day in the Life of Alyss

Most people cannot comprehend the fact that I am 29 years old and have never changed a baby's diaper. Growing up, I wasn't much of a babysitter. I'd be offered the opportunity to watch some kids, and typically was not asked to be a return sitter. And I'm not the girl that sees a baby and does the goo goo ga ga noises and asks to hold them, but I'm working on that.

I am Auntie Yiss, the wine drinking, toy buying, hungover on Chicken Finger Sub Sunday, loud mouthed lady. Christmas night I decided to step that role up a notch and change Cam's diaper. It was sort of sagging and looked pretty full, but I was assured it was strictly #1. I removed the diaper, Kristen applied the "junk" ointment (sorry folks, I'm not there yet, baby steps), then I put a fresh diaper on. Cam was very cooperative, in fact, I'm pretty sure he has already requested that I change his diaper at all times when present, because frankly, I think I did a hell of a job.

Afterwards, he gave me a high five. I love that kid!

"Meat is Murder, Tasty Tasty Murder" - Bolognese 101

To answer your first question "What is Bolognese Sauce?"

Definition from Wikipedia: Bolognese sauce is a meat-based sauce for pasta originating in Bologna, Italy. It is traditionally used to dress tagliatelle and is one of the two sauces used to prepare "lasagne alla Bolognese".

My definition of Bolognese sauce: One word. Tasty.

My Aunt Jill has been making her Bolognese sauce for years to serve with lasagna, which we have every Christmas Eve. In fact, I just learned recently that not everyone eats lasagna at Christmas time; I thought it was a staple holiday entree like turkey on Thanksgiving. Apparently other people eat ham. No thanks. This being my first carnivorous Christmas in 5 years I had decided I would not only try the Bolognese sauce, I'd make it.

My cousin Kacey and I joined my Aunt Jill the day before Christmas Eve at the cottage to make the sauce. We chopped carrots, celery and onions (I did a hell of a job on chopping those onions I might add), we sautéed the veggies in a large pot, then added ground beef and veal and cooked until it was no longer pink. I literally was taking gobs of beef with my bare hands and pulling them apart, a huge step for me! We then added white wine which burned off while we mixed it, then added milk and another secret ingredient that shall remain nameless. Last we added crushed tomatoes and mixed mixed mixed! We made enough sauce to feed an army of Belascos and friends on Christmas Eve. We celebrated our sauce being complete and ready to simmer for hours with a glass of wine, or course.

Sadly, get your tissues ready, I was not feeling well on Christmas Eve so I did not have more than one bite of lasagna. I know, tragic. I did take home some sauce that I plan to eat over spaghetti. And I sure as hell will be making the recipe again in the future!

I've come a long way baby!

People tell me I'm sort of funny and should do more writing...

Item #2 on the Lys List was to invent something. I have no idea where this idea came from, but I felt it needed to be changed and upgraded to something better.

I have done some writing here and there, focusing my writing on this blog most recently, but I have been told by people I should write more, because my random thoughts that I post on Facebook and Twitter are entertaining. I once had a blog titled "The Belasco Bitch Blog" which was more of a diary and my way of venting about things, my favorite entry was about the Hilton Carnival. Recently, I was strolling down Park Ave and ran into a family friend Andrea and her daughter Katie and they told me I should start writing more because they think I'm funny. I was sold on that idea, I enjoy writing, and if people enjoy what I have to say, that makes it even better.

I'd love to get my hands on a story I wrote my freshman year of high school. It was the story behind the Solar Eclipse. I explained that the eclipse is the Sun and the Moon having sex, and that resulted in the birth of each planet, and after Pluto was delivered the Sun had her tubes tied. My English teacher told me to write something else because stories of that nature are not appropriate for 9th graders, but maybe try submitting it in college. Alyssa Belasco, keeping things inappropriate since 82!

During my trip to Cali I decided to write about my airplane experience and I typed things as they happened on my iPhone notepad. I think I'm going to continue writing this way, and maybe someday I can create a book from the collection of essays I've composed. This is long down the road, but we all have to have goals, right? The story is short, but you get the jist. I need to work on document things as they happen and then being able to re write them to be past and present tense, because what I've got below is all over the place. Let's forget I was an English minor in college for the time being. Thanks.

Untitled (very short) story about the most awful seat on an airplane:
I've discovered what the worst possible seat imaginable on an airplane is, and it happens to be the one my ass is parked in for the next three hours. The seat is in the very last row of the plane, the only things behind it are two lavatories for 50+ people. I didn't think the seat was so bad until after the beverage cart went through and one by one (and then in groups) people had to empty their bladders. On a plane the only thing my body can do is sleep, and that's already difficult while sitting straight up, but imagine passengers bumping your seat every time they head back to theirs, or the line that forms because someone is dropping a deuce and taking longer than anticipated. I wake up with a cramp in my neck and an ass or someone's junk in my face approximately every six minutes. Oh and best yet, a baby starts crying so the mom brings her to the back of the plane to calm her down. Well that’s just a GREAT idea, bring the screaming baby as close to me as possible. You know what? Why don't you just plop her on my goddamn lap! I've been referred to as "Chief Baby Hater" at times, but I've taken a step down from that role and now I'm more of a Baby Hater's Club Board Member. The male flight attendant has asked me twice if I'm the generous young lady that switched seats with a woman so she could sit with the rest of her family. Sir, does this puss look like I was feeling generous today? He said he wants to find the person so they can "take care of her" for being so kind. I should have lied and said that person was me and asked permission to kick it in the Captains Quarters, but something told me that idea wasn't going to fly... After whining to my parents about how the passenger occupying the seat I'm in should either be given complimentary Ambien for the flight or free booze and them telling me I'm dramatic, I decided to stick my ass in their faces to see how they liked it, then I grabbed a cup of cardboard tasting coffee from the flight attendant because I sure as hell would not be sleeping so figured I might as well jack myself full of caffeine.

My dad has been lugging around a giant man bag and I’ve had the damnedest idea what he has in it, until now. He just busted out People Magazine with Bradley Cooper on the cover titled "Sexiest Man Alive" and he sees nothing wrong with his magazine choice. At least I'll get to read it after he's done flipping through endless perfume ads. He also had Cheddar Jack Cheez-it's in there. Bonus! This girl needs a Bloody Mary stat!