Item #2 on the Lys List was to invent something. I have no idea where this idea came from, but I felt it needed to be changed and upgraded to something better.
I have done some writing here and there, focusing my writing on this blog most recently, but I have been told by people I should write more, because my random thoughts that I post on Facebook and Twitter are entertaining. I once had a blog titled "The Belasco Bitch Blog" which was more of a diary and my way of venting about things, my favorite entry was about the Hilton Carnival. Recently, I was strolling down Park Ave and ran into a family friend Andrea and her daughter Katie and they told me I should start writing more because they think I'm funny. I was sold on that idea, I enjoy writing, and if people enjoy what I have to say, that makes it even better.
I'd love to get my hands on a story I wrote my freshman year of high school. It was the story behind the Solar Eclipse. I explained that the eclipse is the Sun and the Moon having sex, and that resulted in the birth of each planet, and after Pluto was delivered the Sun had her tubes tied. My English teacher told me to write something else because stories of that nature are not appropriate for 9th graders, but maybe try submitting it in college. Alyssa Belasco, keeping things inappropriate since 82!
During my trip to Cali I decided to write about my airplane experience and I typed things as they happened on my iPhone notepad. I think I'm going to continue writing this way, and maybe someday I can create a book from the collection of essays I've composed. This is long down the road, but we all have to have goals, right? The story is short, but you get the jist. I need to work on document things as they happen and then being able to re write them to be past and present tense, because what I've got below is all over the place. Let's forget I was an English minor in college for the time being. Thanks.
Untitled (very short) story about the most awful seat on an airplane:
I've discovered what the worst possible seat imaginable on an airplane is, and it happens to be the one my ass is parked in for the next three hours. The seat is in the very last row of the plane, the only things behind it are two lavatories for 50+ people. I didn't think the seat was so bad until after the beverage cart went through and one by one (and then in groups) people had to empty their bladders. On a plane the only thing my body can do is sleep, and that's already difficult while sitting straight up, but imagine passengers bumping your seat every time they head back to theirs, or the line that forms because someone is dropping a deuce and taking longer than anticipated. I wake up with a cramp in my neck and an ass or someone's junk in my face approximately every six minutes. Oh and best yet, a baby starts crying so the mom brings her to the back of the plane to calm her down. Well that’s just a GREAT idea, bring the screaming baby as close to me as possible. You know what? Why don't you just plop her on my goddamn lap! I've been referred to as "Chief Baby Hater" at times, but I've taken a step down from that role and now I'm more of a Baby Hater's Club Board Member. The male flight attendant has asked me twice if I'm the generous young lady that switched seats with a woman so she could sit with the rest of her family. Sir, does this puss look like I was feeling generous today? He said he wants to find the person so they can "take care of her" for being so kind. I should have lied and said that person was me and asked permission to kick it in the Captains Quarters, but something told me that idea wasn't going to fly... After whining to my parents about how the passenger occupying the seat I'm in should either be given complimentary Ambien for the flight or free booze and them telling me I'm dramatic, I decided to stick my ass in their faces to see how they liked it, then I grabbed a cup of cardboard tasting coffee from the flight attendant because I sure as hell would not be sleeping so figured I might as well jack myself full of caffeine.
My dad has been lugging around a giant man bag and I’ve had the damnedest idea what he has in it, until now. He just busted out People Magazine with Bradley Cooper on the cover titled "Sexiest Man Alive" and he sees nothing wrong with his magazine choice. At least I'll get to read it after he's done flipping through endless perfume ads. He also had Cheddar Jack Cheez-it's in there. Bonus! This girl needs a Bloody Mary stat!
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